New Years Resolution

I can't believe it is 2011 already. And I can't believe I actually made it through 2010. People with bipolar disorder have a 10-15% mortality rate. We tend to be highly suicidal. And trust me, it definately crossed my mind several times. All I can say is that God really does watch over me, and even though there were times that I really wanted to die, and was angry that I just couldn't, He kept me from harm, He knew my life here wasn't yet completed. That brings me to my New Years Resolution. I can look back at the last year and think of all the times that I prayed and prayed that God would just instantly heal me or get me out of trouble or make me feel good again. And although that never happened, He did stay with me He never let any true harm come to myself or my family for which I am truly grateful. So my New Years Resolution is to make God the center of my life (again). I used to have such a great relationship with Jesus. And then I became manic, and majorly sinned and thought that there was just no way that I could ever have that relationship back. Knowing now that that isn't true, I am trying  now to "get back" to where I was. Its hard because I feel different, like a changed woman. And I feel bad because of all the terrible things I did when I was sick. But I know about God's capacity to love and forgive and that's what keeps me going. And my 2nd New Years Resolution is to be a jogger, because I tend to hate jogging, but the first one is more important :)