Too Much?

I've got A LOT on my mind lately. I don't know if I try to keep myself busy because I just really enjoy doing things or if my busy brain just requires a constant feeding and forces me to continue to stir things up.Sometimes it all becomes a little overwhelming. Let me explain. My kids, are great. But having a ten year old is certainly a different experience and some of the changes in him are just so new to me that its sad knowing that he's getting older, and I can't hold on to his youth and now I'm panicking that I'm not being a good enough parent. So what did I do? I started emerging myself in parenting books and the bible and prayer. " I have to finish this book so I know what to do!" Oh, and I have a three year old that, honestly? That boy pushes my limits. I haven't found the right book for him yet. Then, its like I abruptly shifted the majority of my focus to Uganda. I have a project I'm doing over there and am in communication with some friends there and I've been very consumed with Uganda. Its soooo important to me.  Again. Its like I've hyper-focused! And to top it all off, I have a brother who just recently experienced some serious trouble in his life, to the point where I am daily praying for him. So, am I maybe just overstressed a bit? Maybe. Part of me loves this much activity, because I'm going from one thing to another and then back again and for the most part....I'm handling it well. The Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle right? My brain just feels heavy! That's all! I think God also knows that I need "things' in my life. Things that will take my focus off of me. And that's what I have. So, always being in that mood to praise Him I now praise him for all of this that is consuming me. And with prayer I'm sure that it will not flatten my brain and that I will be able to take care of everything according to His Will.

What to write......

Once again, I've come to a spot where I feel like I have nothing to write about. And this is only because I am doing so well. I shouldn't assume that you all only want to read about the "good stuff". You know, the dirty details about when I"m going psycho. :) Or maybe I'm wrong. Guess we'll see. I can tell how many people read my posts, you know.... My husband suggested that I do write about how well I'm doing. So I got to thinking. I'm actually doing better than I have EVER been. On medication and all. That is NOT a complete sentence but who cares. I don't have to worry about what I'm going to wake up like tomorrow morning. I've really been level, and not blah level but happy level. I love love love it. When I was first diagnosed with Bipolar and was trying out the medications, I was blah level. And I thought, "Well, if this is as good as it gets, forget this!" And off on my own I went. Which luckily didn't effect my life too dramatically at first, but boy did it explode in my face later on. So when it was time to go back on the meds, I was reluctant. But wow! Not that the medication is like my happiness. Because its not. It is my glue. It keeps my cute little brain from going haywire and keeps my cute little body from leaving the country. My happiness comes from my more level-headed self being able to FOCUS again on what I know brings me joy. GOD.  God is my joy, and the more I just pour myself and my disorder into Him the healthier and happier I get. So. I am so so grateful that Dr. Awesome and I have found the right drug cocktail to give me my life back, and an even better life at that. I'm even more grateful that I have a Savior who gives me grace every single day. Which is why you catch me smiling so much :)

Comeback #1

If you've been wondering how I've been doing lately, let me fill you in. I've been feeling really fantastic. I'm not sure what my brief symptoms of depression were but they are gone. It is such a relief too. I really hate it when I'm not feeling right. Its just not me, and it bothers me to the core. So, what caused this amazing turn around? Well, I can tell you what I've done. I've been reading a lot. One book being the bible. And I think God has honored that obedience and kept me from sinking deeper into depression. I also have been getting a full 8 hours of sleep each night, which definately helps. And I haven't been giving into "the thoughts". You know, those thoughts that you sometimes get that seem to drag you down. Well, I have racing thoughts and when they are negative, my brain seems to take a nose dive. I also called my doctor and stayed in contact with him, let him know how I was feeling. He upped my anti-depressant. But I know its not the increase of drug that is causing this sudden change. Medication like that doesn't effect you over night. There actually are other ways of battling this disease without medication. Now, when I go see  Dr. Awesome this week I'm going to ask him to put me back on my regular dose. I think I jumped to the medication too quickly. I need to stop doing that.  I'm such a druggie :)  For now though, I'm happy to have my joy back.