So what does a normal day look like for me? Gosh I wish I knew. They are all so different. Cheers to Brandon, the BEST husband in the world. He has no Godly clue what he wakes up to every morning. And you know what? That really sucks for him. And I wish I could be like the rest of you. You all probably have some sort of clue of how you'll feel about a particular thing each day, some sort of consistency. Me? No way. I am ALL OVER the place. I'm a HOT MESS! I like calling myself that. Especially because it has the word "hot " in it. I'll be vain for a brief moment, I'm allowed. So back to focusing on what a normal day for me is like. I guess it would be like today. I actually got like 8 hours of sleep. Thats with taking two 1 mg Attivans' and 3 Trazadone. I can't sleep otherwise. I would be awake all night long if I didn't drug myself. So sucky. My boys were so good for me today too. Which really helps. I need them to be good for me because when they are difficult it really makes this disease all the more difficult. I wish I was a rich bipolar. Bipolar Housewives of Franklin County. Come on, you'd tune in, wouldn't you? You KNOW it wouldn't be boring!
But as I go about each day I have to honestly consciously try to make good decisions. Much like a little child.I have to think outloud. "Will this get me into trouble?"My ability to understand right from wrong is slightly skewed. I have a devil on my shoulder. Its' my alternate being who keeps trying to pull me out of my happy little life with my husband and children and get me to go towards the life of spontaneity (okay I KNOW that's spelled wrong)  and "no looking back". Its constant. Its hell. I have no idea who I really am anymore. I know who I used to be so I draw on what I remember myself being like before this all happened. Thank God I have that. Thank God. But I made it throught the day without any major upsets. I'm still here. My kids are safe and happy. I think Brandon is happy, I don't know, he'd have to tell you that one. But I'll chalk today up to a success because I feel good. And to me that's worth more that gold.