A Tough Thing to Embrace

There are days that I really struggle with this disease. There have been times that I have been very angry with God. I want to be the same person I was before this all started. I long to be that person again. I grieve for that person to come back. But as a mechanism to get through life, I've realized that I can't be angry. And I can't grieve. Because it is what it is. So I have to try to embrace it. Through the good times and bad I have to embrace bipolar disorder. While I was in my manic phase this summer I experienced some super crazy things. One was, I became exetremly obsessed with our military. I wanted to join. I was almost angry that I had kids and couldn't go and fight the war. I even figured I could at least join the National Gaurd, that would work? So the next best thing I found was working with actual veterans. And today I volunteer with Honorflights, raising money to send our WW2 veterans to Washington D.C to see the memorials. That appeases me. That is safe for me. And I love it. Another obsession I gained was with motorcycles. I wanted to buy on Sooooooo bad. And I still do. Luckily for me I have a loving husband who agrees that a motorcyle would be super awesome and when the finances allow for it, we can get one. Brandon sure did keep me safe this summer. I mean, there were times when I even told him that I wanted to leave him and didn't think I loved him anymore and he knew that was the disease talking and STILL stuck by me. Even today he's my greatest support. A lot of people with bipolar disorder end up in divorce and I can see why. I'm just so grateful for my guy. He  seems to embrace the bipolar disorder too. And loves me in spite of it.